Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
sarcasm needs its own font
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
