He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
