I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
