So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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