Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
