I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
