I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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