his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize