I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
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