so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
