i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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