Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
