its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize