I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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