somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
