My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
