There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
