please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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