I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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