she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
