Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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