If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize
