Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
