New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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