I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
