i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
