it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Let's paint friendship bongs
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
