Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
