so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
