ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
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