just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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