My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Randomize
