Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
