I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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