Someone shit on the floor
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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