I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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