so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
