literally had 100 drinks last night.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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