Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
