I love how my cats smell like pot.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
