Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You've changed since you got that strap on
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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