She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
