margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
