can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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