eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
how does that bad decision feel?
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