my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
he quoted the bible to break up with me
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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