Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
so much tequila, so little girl.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
