Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
