I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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