He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
