..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
