I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
