I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
