I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I could fuck to npr.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
