it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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