I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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