well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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