peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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