I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
