I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
