I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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