no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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