so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Shame - the story of my life.
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