I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
