What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Randomize
