Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
two words...techno handjob
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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