$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
