yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I seem to have left my pride at pride
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
