True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
