I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
