If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
