Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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