My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
