I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
