I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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