i love accidental penises.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
