so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
