It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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