Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
