Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
