I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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