Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
